I lived with depression for many years, and to an extent, it still surfaces from time to time.
So it is with the deepest love, understanding and respect that I say – Depressed people are annoying to be around.
Let me re-phrase that: Depressed people can be incredibly draining and difficult to deal with.
Let’s just get this out of the way first: this isn’t an article that is meant to shame people with depression for their condition or hurt them in any way.
Rather, this is written as a form of warning, coming from personal experience as well as that of many others that I have personally known.
You should not, by any means, feel validated for hurting people with depression for their condition.
That being said, one of the fundamental issues with depression is that sometimes the people that surround you are those who suffer the most for it.
That isn’t to say that people with depression aren’t suffering, but depression is a mental illness and dealing with people who suffer from it is difficult because of that.
There are reasons for that.
1) We can be very self-centered and selfish
Back when I was in the military I was suffering from depression, something that my fellow soldiers called me out on at times.
If we were given a task I was expected to pull through, regardless of how difficult it was.
When I couldn’t do that I was called selfish and self-centered.
“You aren’t the only one who’s dealing with this,” they said, “why can’t you grit your teeth and deal with it like the rest of us?”
These comments came not only from my fellow soldiers, but also from our sergeants and officers.
Some of them even used it as a shaming tactic against me, pointing out my “weakness” as they would’ve said.
People with depression are extremely selfish by nature.
When you really think about it this makes perfect sense: when you are hurt, you just want to focus on it, to deal with it.
Think for a moment, if you broke your arm you probably won’t be doing much else except for trying to get better.
You would want it treated because every moment that it wasn’t was extremely painful for you.
Depression is kind of like that, with the difference being that your pain isn’t physical and isn’t visible by extension.
Many people are ignorant of this fact, for the most part not knowing what to say or do, and end up saying and doing hurtful things.
But you know what? It’s not fair towards them to force them to understand.
Most people really do not care for your problems, and that’s fine – do yourself a favor and try to find those who do.
2) We can be entitled
In a way, this is actually a direct continuation of my previous point.
I try to keep negative people out of my life, yet sometimes there is no other way but to listen to their struggles.
This makes sense: even the happiest people have their bad times, and as their friend, it is your duty to listen and try to help.
So far so good.
But how much is your help really worth?
Most advice that is given to depressed people is pretty bad, and even if your advice is good they are probably not going to implement it without some serious coaxing.
Depression kind of sucks the energy out of you, making depressed people far less likely to actually “do” something.
In a way, depressed people are like kings.
Sitting high on their throne and looking for someone else to solve their problems, all the while disregarding any answer that isn’t to their liking without a second thought.
On many occasions, we can be rather ungrateful, taking the support and efforts of others, however ineffective at times, for granted.
I myself was in that place before, but when I got the chance to see the situation from the other side I really hated it.
3) We can be needy and force our condition on others
Sometimes when we struggle in life we want someone who can share our burden.
This is something that can be observed all the time in day-to-day life:
- Many people go to a psychologist just so that can have someone that will listen to them
- Friends rant about their problems to their friends
- People create personal blogs to articulate and share their thoughts and feelings
- Lonely people find themselves hungry for attention, talking with anyone and everyone
This makes sense.
Learning to connect to others is vitally important to our mental health, more so if we suffer from depression.
In fact, the reclusive nature of depressed people is making their condition worse, like a never-ending cycle.
But what if the other person just doesn’t want to talk to us?
Imagine this – You talk to a friend of yours about how much life is pointless or whatever.
Normal depression things.
Your friend listens, and you feel better from having them listen to you!
So next time you will do this again, and again and again and so forth.
At this point though, your friend is kind of stuck.
Even if dealing with you is becoming emotionally draining (which it can be, caring for a depressed person is not easy) they can’t really outright say it without coming off as a jerk.
Because of it, they might start to resent you
It’s not fair to treat your friends as your emotional crutches to the point where they, metaphorically, break from the weight.
You need people that will listen for you, sure, but having a few of them to share the burden between them might help.
Treating them with care, like the precious people that they are, goes a long way as well.
4) We are really negative people and we really let others know that
I often find myself giving people the following advice: Try to remove toxic people from your life
To me, it makes perfect sense.
After all, most of us have people in our life that are making it worse.
Family members, co-workers, and ‘friends’ that we really could do without.
The thing is, as bad as it is to say, depressed people often find themselves in this category.
We feel bad about our life and we can be rather forceful with this sort of negative view.
I was actually on both sides of this argument before.
When I was depressed I was determined to ‘explain my viewpoint’ to others, shrugging off their “hippy ‘happiness’ nonsense”, and going into detail as to why life is terrible.
When I was trying to help a friend of mine who had depression I was on the receiving end of all of that.
It sucked. Really.
It would make perfect sense to cut off this type of person from your life, and unless you are genuinely close to them you probably should.
You should only talk about your condition with people who are close to you and would be willing to listen.
When talking with anyone else try to keep this to yourself.
5) We are terrible people to be around
From an outside perspective, depressed people are just plain bad people to hang out with:
- They have no sense of humor
- They don’t really react to anything
- Forget about getting them to hang out with you
- They’ll usually stay quiet and will not often contribute to the conversation
- They are not interested in most forms of interaction
The list goes on and on, but the point still stands: depressed people are kind of… boring.
Not without reason though.
Depression is a mental illness, meaning that it makes day-to-day life difficult.
They can try to “act normal”, in which case this entire list goes out of the window, but they end up seriously suffering from it.
Repressing your condition is only going to make it worse.
I think that most of us can attest to that.
A part of “day-to-day” life includes social interaction, something that depression utterly wrecks.
It’s at moments like these that you find out who your real friends are.
After all, people who care about you will be able to look past this and see your problems for what they are.
Not so much for most other people.
All of that being said, you shouldn’t turn your back on us
If we were to be fully objective then depressed people are some of the worst people you can spend your time with.
But humans aren’t really objective and rational creatures to begin with, so there’s a silver lining here.
Look, the lifetime prevalence of major depression is, on average, anywhere between 14%-19% of the population.
Furthermore, a fairly large percentage of the population suffer from depression at any given time.
You probably know someone who suffers/has suffered from depression in the past.
In other words, you probably know a person who will be able to sympathize with you on this level.
They only reliable way to find them would be to try to connect with them first to see who they are.
This will not always be easy, but it’s something that you will benefit from in the long run.
If you are reading this article and know of someone with depression who’s like this, you should try to help them to the best of your ability.
Well, as long as you are willing.
In my experience, however, the person who can help you most with depression is yourself.
To that end, I highly recommend checking out the Destroy Depression program.
In my experience, it is a great first step on your self-help journey. At the very least you should give it a look.
For any other question feel free to comment down below or send me an email
Email: [email protected]